You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
