Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
