In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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