Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
