I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
