haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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