Will you blow on my dice?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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