words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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