im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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