I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
