I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
