P.S. I can't hear my feet
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
