You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
