i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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