im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
