Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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