Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
