ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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