break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
