guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
