I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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