Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
