its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
