My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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