Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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