i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
