So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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