i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Damn victory sex feels great
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
