the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
