i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
