please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
