i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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