i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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