shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
