Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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