Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The air was thick with penises
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
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