i jhust puked up my retainher.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
