I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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