if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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