you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
