Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
