there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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