So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
