i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
