He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
