I wish I could punch you in the face.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
