I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
