he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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