i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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