So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
