someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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