The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
