Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
