I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
