I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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