kristin has been a bad kristin
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
