Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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