Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize