That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
