Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
