Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's blow job season.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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