Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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