there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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