You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
