I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
