I will die if light touches me.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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