never play flip cup with pint glasses
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
