Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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