people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
