i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
